Thursday, May 6, 2010

365 Photo Project - Day 125

Taken: May 5, 2010, approx. 7:30 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca.

Still trying to get the self-portrait right, obviously.  I think my vanity is showing in my choice of shots -- a friend told me today that for a self-portrait, this says "I'm hiding," and he's totally right. I've said this before, but I just hate photos of myself. I do, however, kinda like photos of specific parts of me, mere suggestions of the whole if you will.

I mean it makes sense in a way. What do we see of ourselves in the day to day except bits and pieces? Without the help of a mirror, the pictures we paint are based on an image we put together in our mind's eye. The "truth" is mixed up with all sorts of our own specific baggage and how close it is to reality differs with everyone. I have a pretty decent self-image, actually. Some might even accuse me of having an overly positive one.  It's always a shock when I see my reflection. Never quite lives up to the image I have in my head. Which is probably why I don't like photos of myself.

I blame my folks. They allowed me to be confident in me, to be myself even when being myself was pretty damn weird.  I would say there's good and bad in this kind of self-belief. Disappointments are many but you never stop trying, you never give up and you always think victory is just around that next S curve.  That pretty much sums me up. I am the last true believer. Or a sucker, depending on how you look at it.

I'm not joking -- the two aren't so different. You gotta be a bit of a chump to make it as any kind of artist I think. Just putting your creative self out in the world requires a belief in something, whether it's yourself or that somehow, some way what comes out of the deep recesses of your private soul will resonate with complete strangers. It's a big leap of faith and it doesn't get any easier. Trust me.

And every day is a new journey to a place you couldn't name or describe if your life depended on it. The only saving grace is you'll know when you get there. You'll know.


Raisa said...

I get the arrogance bit. I heard Picasso used to make his own fakes and circulate them. You know, make an almost Picasso like painting, but mess it up on purpose, and then sell it. then when people would bring him that painting and ask him if it was one of his, he would say its fake. When asked how he knew, he'd say, 'cuz i made it.'

So yea, arrogance is a part of the package!

S.O.L. said...

Great story. Thanks for sharing it. Sounds just like Picasso, too. LOL