Wednesday, May 26, 2010
365 Photo Project - Day 146
Location: Healdsburg, Ca
I've had several straight days where I've slept very well. I can't explain it. I've actually had a lot on my mind lately, more than usual which is saying a lot. I'm facing another TV staffing season and so far, not much is happening that makes me think a job is in my near future. It's not over yet, though and I've got some meetings in LA coming up, but so far, it's been truly a bummer.
I'm also involved in a personal legal situation that's taxing my patience and my wallet. I'd rather have not pursued this course of action, but I felt I was left with no choice. It feels good to take action, though, and while I hope this will turn out in our favor (and believe objectively that it should) I didn't take this action without a lot of forethought. Sometimes you have stand up for yourself even if it's painful to do that.
My work has been generally going well and I'm beginning to see a true end to this novel I'm writing. I don't think I can go another fall and winter with it on my conscience so I'm feeling the pressure. It's no wonder I was having trouble sleeping for so long but the last few days, I've gotten a lot of good Z's.
It's amazing what a little rest does to a person's general disposition and how easily I forget how important it is until I have a good stretch of sleepfull nights. Sometimes I think I should be more like my pugs. They sleep, they eat, they play, rinse and repeat. Work is good for the soul I know. I'm not kidding. It's good for you but if you take it too seriously, if you mistake the goal for the journey, you end up missing really important stuff -- like, um, life.
The best kind of "can't sleep" is the one that comes from anticipation. The good kind of anticipation, the "I can't wait for tomorrow because something big is going to happen" kind. The word "big" here has no particular meaning -- it should mean something different to each of us. I love nights like that because even if you don't get as much sleep as you want, when you finally do fall into dreamland, it's with a smile on your face and a beat and a half in your heart.
When I was a kid, I used to get into bed and concentrate really hard on the next day. The idea was to pick out something cool about tomorrow, something worth getting up for, something to anticipate. It was an exercise that helped me deal with some awkward and painful growing pains. And I used it many years into adulthood until somewhere along the way, I just stopped. I don't even remember when or why. I've been trying to start up again. In many ways it's like riding a bicycle, even to the point where it feels like you're exercising whole new muscles you haven't used in awhile.
But the feeling of anticipation and the wonderful lightness it brings with it hasn't changed. I remember it like it was yesterday and it still makes me smile.