365 Photo Project - Day 217

Taken: August 5, 2010

Location: Healdsburg, CA

Another self-portrait plus a little bit of fooling around in Photoshop.  This photo says a lot about me -- there's my iPhone headphones I almost never go without and that little thing around my neck is my portable hard drive (for all my photos and other work) and I'm wearing my usual uniform -- t-shirt and jeans. And sunglasses. I love my sunglasses.

This photo has some other import -- like the image on this day, I'm actually leading up to a big change in my life. I'll explain in a few days. 

365 Photo Project - Day 212

Taken: July 31, 2010
Location: Healdsburg, CA

My theory of life. I'm not quite all the way there yet but I'm working on it.

365 Photo Project - Day 144

Taken: May 24, 2010, 6 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca.

I'm behind in my posts -- again. Been doing some writing and then resting and also working on a personal project that is relatively easy but emotionally charged to the point where it's been stressful.
I hope by some time tonight (or tomorrow) I'll be all caught up. Up to this point, as my loyal readers can attest, my self-portraits have hidden a lot of my face. As I've written about here, it's mostly my vanity at work here.

But they've also been progressively offering more, which is not entirely on purpose. It's been a naturally evolution for me as I become for confident in myself -- and even more important -- my photography abilities. I'm happy to report that I'm trying to branch out more in that regard and am shooting almost entirely in manual mode. This might not seem like a big deal to some but it's huge for me -- it means I'm taking more chances, using my gut and my eye more and drawing on everything I've ever learned about this craft. Fun meet scary. Ha.

The other evening I was working in my office and needed to take a break from a sticky writing problem, I decided to try setting up a real self-portrait. I used a halogen lamp and some cardboard to direct the light, set the camera up on a tripod and then later just took a bunch of shots handheld style. This image is my favorite of the bunch (one of the handheld versions). I like it metaphorically as well as actually because of how my face seems to emerge from the shadows. They do say a picture tells a thousand words.

I think of this blog like that, as me offering more insight into me even as I learn more about myself. It's been grueling but fun too and I'm mostly enjoying the ride. But since I have two more posts to put up before the end of the day, I'm going to keep this one short.

365 Photo Project - Day 125

Taken: May 5, 2010, approx. 7:30 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca.

Still trying to get the self-portrait right, obviously.  I think my vanity is showing in my choice of shots -- a friend told me today that for a self-portrait, this says "I'm hiding," and he's totally right. I've said this before, but I just hate photos of myself. I do, however, kinda like photos of specific parts of me, mere suggestions of the whole if you will.

I mean it makes sense in a way. What do we see of ourselves in the day to day except bits and pieces? Without the help of a mirror, the pictures we paint are based on an image we put together in our mind's eye. The "truth" is mixed up with all sorts of our own specific baggage and how close it is to reality differs with everyone. I have a pretty decent self-image, actually. Some might even accuse me of having an overly positive one.  It's always a shock when I see my reflection. Never quite lives up to the image I have in my head. Which is probably why I don't like photos of myself.

I blame my folks. They allowed me to be confident in me, to be myself even when being myself was pretty damn weird.  I would say there's good and bad in this kind of self-belief. Disappointments are many but you never stop trying, you never give up and you always think victory is just around that next S curve.  That pretty much sums me up. I am the last true believer. Or a sucker, depending on how you look at it.

I'm not joking -- the two aren't so different. You gotta be a bit of a chump to make it as any kind of artist I think. Just putting your creative self out in the world requires a belief in something, whether it's yourself or that somehow, some way what comes out of the deep recesses of your private soul will resonate with complete strangers. It's a big leap of faith and it doesn't get any easier. Trust me.

And every day is a new journey to a place you couldn't name or describe if your life depended on it. The only saving grace is you'll know when you get there. You'll know.

365 Photo Project - Day 100

Taken: April 10, 2010, approx 4:30 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca

Day 100. Wow. I thought I'd make it this far -- I mean I had no doubt I'd see this project through to the bitter end, but I didn't think it would be this hard. And to think: only 265 days to go (gulp). In honor of my milestone, I thought it was time for another self-portrait. Even after doing a few of these, I haven't gotten over how much I hate photos of myself. Thus my penchant for taking pieces of myself for these photos (I'm easily amused).

I'm still writing. Will be through the weekend. The drama of the last couple of weeks has really thrown me off and I'm playing catch up. Our string of perfect spring days got interrupted today by a dreary, cool and listless day. Just the kind that makes staying inside in front of your computer a lot easier. Sunshine stay away for a couple more days, okay? I got work to do.

I wish I had time to make more of getting to triple figures but work calls. I'm sure I'll have more to say when I finish this damned script and have time to think about my life again. Mmm, maybe this deadline writing is a good thing?

I do want to thank my readers for sharing the journey so far and for your comments and support. I never set out to write this for anybody but myself, never thought I'd have many readers at all and it's true my following is small, but knowing somebody is out there waiting for each post, makes it easier to stick with the project. I hope you'll continue to tag along and let me know what you think.

I shot this with my K100D and edited it in Photoshop. Just, you know, to make myself look a lot cooler than I actually look.

365 Photo Project - Day 60

Taken: March 1, 2010, approx. 4 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, CA

Today is day 60. Wow. I should have something special but unfortunately, I'm still sick, felled by a sinus infection and who knows what else. Thus today's photo. I shot it while I was in the car waiting to go inside to see my doctor. That blue near my eye is a reflection from my glasses but the red on my lids, that's real. I wanted to try and capture the moment in all it's awfulness.

Besides, I had absolutely no energy to get out of the car and take a proper photograph. So here's me, feeling like shit.  I know it would have been braver to get the full-on looking right into the camera shot (and believe me, I took that one) but gimme credit at least for not going black and white. I sure as hell  thought about it.  Taken with my K100D. As for the editing, well a girl doesn't give away all her secrets.

Excuse me while I go back to bed.

365 Photo Project - Day 38

Taken: February 7, 2010, approx 9 p.m.
Location: Los Angeles, CA

I've been cooped up for almost two weeks here in Los Angeles, long enough that I'm starting to talk to myself. I miss my home, my bed, my pugs and my husband's cooking (him too of course) and while I'm not knocking my little guest house high over Bel Air, it's small and cramped and living out of suitcase is getting old. Still got some business to tend to here so home will have to wait.  But as long as I'm getting acquainted with me, I figure why not give you, my small, yet loyal blog audience, a little bit more of me too.

Today is self-portrait number two. And you know how I hate self-portraits.

I don't normally like to show my eyes in photos. It seems ridiculous to say it I know, but I've always felt they reveal too much about what I'm thinking. Which is why I'll never be more than an adequate poker player. I've had a more practical reason these days as late-late nights and a bit of insomnia have conspired to add deep, dark circles to my eyes. Even deftly applied makeup can't seem to hide them completely.

However, Photoshop and the right lighting can work wonders, as you can see here. I shot this with my K100D using the self-timer, flash and some homemade lighting.  Then edited it in Photoshop to B&W. Later, I added back color to my lips, eyes, glasses and hair (all natural). Like I said, Photoshop can do wonders. Wink, wink.

365 Photo Project - Day 10

Taken: January 10, 2010, approx. 2:10 p.m.
Location; Healdsburg, CA

Couple of new things today. First, I'm not spelling out the days anymore -- which means I'm in double figures. Which means I guess I'm truly committed now. Second, I'm putting up my first self-portrait. I'm probably like a lot of people in that I don't like photos of myself.  However, I think it's important as part of this process of documenting my life to document actual me along the way. So consider this the first of many self-portraits.

I've banished myself to my office today to write so that's where this was taken -- I hardly ever use the fluorescent lights in here, just a desk lamp and that's all the light I used for this photo.

This was my favorite of about 30 shots I took -- not ironically it shows less of me than any of them. (Make with that what you will -- you're probably right whatever you're thinking.) The shades were an add-on at the end partly because I haven't been sleeping well (last night I got four hours total) and my eyes look like they belong in the supermarket checkout line (will that be paper or plastic?). But also because I wear sunglasses all the time and think of them as part of my whole style, whatever that is. So they're practical and functional here. As you can see, I easily amuse myself.

Taken with my Pentax K100D using the built-in self-timer. I removed the color and did very minimal editing in Photoshop.