365 photo Project - Day 151

Taken: May 31, 2010, 7:30 p.m.
Location: Santa Rosa, Ca.

Like most people, I left home at 18 to go to college and for the most part, I never went back. I spent the last two summers of high school working at a sleep-over summer camp and when I moved to D.C. to start college, it never occurred to me to go back home in between semesters. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with my family, it was just time for me to move on. I was on my own and I knew I had to learn how to make my way in the world.

I started talking on the phone with my parents a lot. I'd call a few times a week, get them up to speed with the goings on, sometimes ask for money and hear about how everything was going back home. We didn't have cell phones then; you had to stop somewhere in order to make the call. Whether it was the phone in my dorm, the pay phone out on 20th Street, you had to sit in one place for the duration. I can't believe how weird that seems to me now. You too, I'm sure.

I had one other weekly call I would make. To my grandma Ada in Brooklyn. She was my Mom's mom,   an often dower, cynical redhead who didn't take shit from anybody. She was what was once called a "piece of work" -- a true original. I don't think I ever really understood her and she died when I was in my early 20s, way before I figured out who I was much less my crazy iron-fisted grandmother. But we did talk on the phone a lot. I don't remember any details from our talks, just the general feeling of them and a vague recollection of her voice.

I don't recall if she gave me any advice or if we just talked about what was going on in my life. I just remember I could call her and talk. And then when she died I remember thinking how I couldn't do that anymore. And for a long time after, I would think about picking up the phone and calling her like she was still around. I still think about her sometimes and our phone calls. I wish I could remember what the hell we talked about.

365 photo Project - Day 150

Taken: May 30, 2010, approx. 10 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca

When my husband and I sold our house in Santa Monica and moved up here, we figured it wouldn't be long before we'd be able to buy something new up here. That was almost four years ago and our dream of owning property again seems as unlikely as ever. We're both freelancers. When we work, we do quite well but we sometimes go for long stretches without getting jobs and that sucks. Big time.

The year we moved up here was the Hollywood strike year. Up to that point, I'd had a pretty good run. As some of you know, I've been fortunate to work on some pretty iconic TV shows, including 24 and the Law & Order franchise. I even developed a few shows, though none of them made it on the air. Still, I didn't expect to be having so much trouble finding work after so many years of doing so well.

Lucky for me I have my novels and the shows I did write for, continue to provide residuals. Yet, it's been difficult. Hollywood is one of those industries that opens doors wide and closes them fast. You have to be smart and good an agile, you have to have a thick skin and you can't take any of it personally. There is a long list of Hollywood success stories that came after long stretches of not being able to find work. You can't start a career in this business without understanding you are going to have a dryspell at some point. It happens to almost everybody.

The most important thing to remember in those lean times, is to keep writing and creating and to never lose faith in your own talent. I'm one of those people that believe cream rises always. I believe in hard work and I mostly always believe in myself. I admit, though, it's been tough to keep the faith these last few months and that's why I've been writing so hard and so much lately. I want to reclaim what I had and I want it before it's too late, whenever the hell that is.

I feel close, too. Closer than I've felt in a long time. I know I've never wanted anything for myself so much, that's for damn sure.

365 Photo Project - Day 149

Taken: May 29, 2009, 6 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca.

These are my new Converse. I've been wanting them for months but didn't want to fork out the $150 they cost retail. But I'm patient and when they finally went on sale, I pounced on them.  Got me a great deal, too. I know I'm going to look back on my blog a year or so from now and be totally chagrinned for the days when I just wrote about my silver sneakers. But these days, I've been leaving a lot of my work on the page and for a writer, there's nothing better. I'll catch a second wind soon. I hope you'll bear with me 'til I do.

365 Photo Project - Day 148

Taken: May 28, 2010, approx 3 pm
Location: Healdsburg, Ca

I probably write too much about the weather but today was such a sparklingly beautiful afternoon, that I just couldn't stand being inside. I had to make a trip over the hill into Napa Valley (to see a young friend in his school play) and it gave me a chance to take in the sunshine and relatively clear skies. It feels like spring is finally here to stay, though it's been a tease for much of the month of May so I'm not betting on anything.

Apologies for the last few brief posts. I'm trying to catch my breath these last couple of days and I'm pretty worn out from an intense writing week. Sometimes when I tap the old brain cells, nothing good comes out of them.

365 Photo Project - Day 147

Taken: May 27, 2010, approx. 9 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca.

When I drove home from work tonight, this moon was hanging over the city, so big it seemed like it had grown 1000 times larger during the day. I stopped along my road to try to capture it but I only had my 200mm lens, which isn't quite big enough to get a great shot of something so far away. But the cloud cover rolling through the sky was passing over it, so I got some cool detail in it.

I didn't alter the color in this image -- it's exactly as I saw it.  The only edits I did was to crop and blow it up slightly.

365 Photo Project - Day 146

Taken: May 26, 2010, 2 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca

I've had several straight days where I've slept very well. I can't explain it. I've actually had a lot on my mind lately, more than usual which is saying a lot. I'm facing another TV staffing season and so far, not much is happening that makes me think a job is in my near future.  It's not over yet, though and I've got some meetings in LA coming up, but so far, it's been truly a bummer.

I'm also involved in a personal legal situation that's taxing my patience and my wallet. I'd rather have not pursued this course of action, but I felt I was left with no choice. It feels good to take action, though, and while I hope this will turn out in our favor (and believe objectively that it should) I didn't take this action without a lot of forethought. Sometimes you have stand up for yourself even if it's painful to do that.

My work has been generally going well and I'm beginning to see a true end to this novel I'm writing. I don't think I can go another fall and winter with it on my conscience so I'm feeling the pressure.  It's no wonder I was having trouble sleeping for so long but the last few days, I've gotten a lot of good Z's.

It's amazing what a little rest does to a person's general disposition and how easily I forget how important it is until I have a good stretch of sleepfull nights. Sometimes I think I should be more like my pugs. They sleep, they eat, they play, rinse and repeat. Work is good for the soul I know. I'm not kidding. It's good for you but if you take it too seriously, if you mistake the goal for the journey, you end up missing really important stuff -- like, um, life.

The best kind of "can't sleep" is the one that comes from anticipation. The good kind of anticipation, the "I can't wait for tomorrow because something big is going to happen" kind. The word "big" here has no particular meaning -- it should mean something different to each of us. I love nights like that because even if you don't get as much sleep as you want, when you finally do fall into dreamland, it's with a smile on your face and a beat and a half in your heart.

When I was a kid, I used to get into bed and concentrate really hard on the next day. The idea was to pick out something cool about tomorrow, something worth getting up for, something to anticipate. It was an exercise that helped me deal with some awkward and painful growing pains. And I used it many years into adulthood until somewhere along the way, I just stopped. I don't even remember when or why. I've been trying to start up again. In many ways it's like riding a bicycle, even to the point where it feels like you're exercising whole new muscles you haven't used in awhile.

But the feeling of anticipation and the wonderful lightness it brings with it hasn't changed. I remember it like it was yesterday and it still makes me smile.

365 Photo Project - Day 145

Taken: May 25, 2010, 5 p.m.
Location: Healdsburg, Ca

I drove home in the middle of a long writing session yesterday in the late afternoon. I was hoping to find something for today's photo on the way -- two birds with one stone and all that. It was raining, again and it was cold, again too. This weather has been a bitch and it's showing no signs of letting up. I can't believe it's nearly June and I'm complaining it's not hot enough but I am. I'll regret it in a few weeks I'm sure, but right now, I could use some warming sunshine.

There has been a low line of clouds hanging over the vineyards along the road on the way to my house. Lots of photo ops but I'm getting over those views too -- at least for this project. I want to shoot something else. How cool that as I was driving along, I saw this bird, it's white feathers standing in stark contrast to the dark, grey sky.

I don't know what kind of bird it is -- looks to me like a crane -- but it sure was lovely framed against the green landscape. The bird wouldn't let me get too close, flying off each time I walked toward it to get a better shot. In fact, this image was obviously taken as the bird was trying to fly away from me.

Anyway, since I'm trying to get all caught up with my posts, this will be another quick and dirty entry. Promise I'll write more for the next one.  Before I go, though, I should mention that my friend who has been in the ICU at UC Davis medical Center for more than a week, has shown amazing signs of improvement. After a visit from her rescue pug Betty, she opened her eyes today. Long way to go, but any progress at this point is worth celebrating.