Monday, July 9, 2007

The Church of Baseball

Baseball in America, Healdsburg, California, 2007
It's the halfway point of the Major League season and it's time to get serious about baseball, seamheads. And I will be offering regular posts on the various teams, players and division races. And, of course, updating more often about my favorite team, the New York Mets.

But first, let's stretch our legs and take a moment to smell the baseball leather and green grass and appreciate our National Pastime.

In honor of the mid-season classic, a quote from one of my favorite baseball films, Bull Durham, written and directed by Ron Shelton.

"I believe in the Church of
Baseball. I've tried all the major
religions, and most of the minor
ones. I've worshiped Buddha, Allah,
Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees,
mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I
know things. For instance, there
are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary
and there are 108 stitches in a
baseball. When I heard that, I gave
Jesus a chance. But it just didn't
work out between us. The Lord laid
too much guilt on me. I prefer
metaphysics to theology. You see,
there's no guilt in baseball, and
it's never boring... which makes it
like sex. There's never been a
ballplayer slept with me who didn't
have the best year of his career.
Making love is like hitting a
baseball: you just gotta relax and
concentrate. Besides, I'd never
sleep with a player hitting under
.250... not unless he had a lot of
RBIs and was a great glove man up
the middle. You see, there's a
certain amount of life wisdom I
give these boys. I can expand their
minds. Sometimes when I've got a
ballplayer alone, I'll just read
Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to
him, and the guys are so sweet,
they always stay and listen.
'Course, a guy'll listen to
anything if he thinks it's
foreplay. I make them feel
confident, and they make me feel
safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I
give them lasts a lifetime; what
they give me lasts 142 games.
Sometimes it seems like a bad
trade. But bad trades are part of
baseball - now who can forget Frank
Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's
sake? It's a long season and you
gotta trust.
I've tried 'em all, I really have,
and the only church that truly
feeds the soul, day in, day out, is
the Church of Baseball."

UPDATE (July 25, 2007): Just for you Dave. This is Bonds coming up to bat against the Mets at AT&T Park on June 9, 2007. He had no home runs that day. In this at-bat he drew a walk.


Undercover Black Man said...

That's a little masterpiece, that speech.

Can you believe I skipped watching the All-Star Game... and dude hits an inside-the-park homer?? How's Ichiro gonna top that next year... steal home?

S.O.L. said...

I'll do one better -- I could have gone to the game for free. I didn't feel like making the hour plus drive to S.F. and then finding an expensive parking space. But I should have!

I was surprised it was the first one he's ever hit in the Majors. It was a great game. The NL loaded the bases in the ninth and ended up scoring two runs to make it exciting. Still, the Seniors lost. Bum-mer.

S.O.L. said...

And UBM, you can DOWNLOAD the game if you want at iTunes. Ain't that cool?

Undercover Black Man said...

I'm a little late with this, but, uhhh... you didn't feel like driving???

By the way, have you been to see Barry Bonds at all this season? I hear that's a beautiful ballpark that's well worth a visit regardless of Bonds.

S.O.L. said...

UBM, the truth is it was a mad house for the All-Star game and it would take a good deal of smart planning to be able to get to the game via car and then public transportation. Since I was offered the tickets only hours before the game, I felt there was not enough time to make it work.

And yes, I have been to AT&T Park this year.

The proof is listed in the update above. :-D